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I remember opening my first “self-help” book when I was 10th or 11th grade.

It was “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.

I had this overwhelming surge of dopamine that there was a way to build good habits and improve my life.

Since then, I have always been on a journey of self-improvement which I am thankful to God for.

(It can get too much at times so it is important to have boundaries).

Stagnation and conformity always scared me.

I cannot imagine myself being in one place and not growing as a human being, as a businessman, as a husband, as a creator, and as a Christian.

Growth is the natural consequence of a birth (or at least it should be).

Now imagine 30 years old men or women choosing to act, live, and think like 15 years old.

It is an ugly picture.

We are designed to be goal-oriented.

We are designed to grow and better our lives.

Even our brains are programmed to have dopamine when we have a goal and pursue it.

But there is one truth you need to know before deciding to embrace self-improvement and improvement in your life.

Jesus shows and teaches this the best.

Sprinkle of psychology

Before we dive in, it is important to understand Jesus from a psychological perspective which sparked the idea for this article.

Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, contributed a lot to the field of consciousness and unconsciousness.

He is one of the deepest thinkers I have ever seen whose ideas are fascinating.

Anyway, Carl Jung studied a lot of stories of different ancient cultures.

He found certain patterns in them that describe the human experience of life.

He called those patterns archetypes.

He argued that Jesus Christ was the representation of the Self in the human psyche.

The Self is the central archetype that represents the unification of consciousness and unconsciousness of an individual.

Let me explain what this means:

The Self is the best version of you that you should be achieving.

The Self is like a divine spark within us which makes sense because God created us in His image.

The Self is like Christ-likeness.

Carl Jung argued that a person should strive to integrate the Self into their personality which he called the process of individuation.

In other words, people should strive to become a higher-order human, Christ-like.

As Christians, we believe that all people should strive to become like Christ (align our hearts and characters with His)

But we can also look at it from a psychological perspective to explain:

- what it takes to improve yourself in all areas of your life

- integrate your personality to become a mature, competent, and unified person.

(wow that’s a long sentence, I hope breaking it down helped!)

Voluntary Self-Sacrifice

Why would you want to be a mature, competent, and unified person?

When we are 25 years old and act like idiots people usually say that it’s okay because we are young.

We are full of potential.

But now imagine acting immature at 30 and being clueless, then people are not as fond of you, and for a good reason.

An old infant is an ugly picture and life becomes so much harder for people who don’t try to mature.

So it is important to always grow and become mature so you can take care of yourself, have a joyful and interesting life, and take care of your family, your community, and even the world.

Why do you want to be a Peter Pan at 30 years old - the king of Lost Boys?

But also, maturity and growth are prerequisites for higher income that can unlock financial freedom and a chance to be generous toward people who are in need.

Then how would you grow and transcend?

This is where we can take a profound truth from Jesus’s story and His teachings about improving and growing.

You improve yourself and your life through voluntary self-sacrifice.

Voluntary self-sacrifice is the antidote to a miserable life.

His teaching

Pay attention to what Jesus said in the verse above - “he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.”

Now to make it clear let’s look at it from a psychological perspective.

Remember Carl Jung argued that Jesus was the representation of the Self?

Now to integrate your personality (or achieve your full potential or maturity) you must deny yourself and take up your cross.

It means you must transform/change.

It always comes with the loss of your previous version which is painful at times.

But it is rewarding beyond imagination.

His story

Jesus is known to not just talk about His love for us but to show it with His ultimate action.

It’s the essence of the Gospel.

Jesus as God in human flesh came to Earth to pay for our sin-debt to the Father through sacrificial crucifixion.

But guess what?

He did it voluntarily. It was voluntary self-sacrifice to change the world and save us.

But guess what happened after he was crucified?

He rose from the dead in three days.

Do you see the connection yet?

(Again I believe this to be true and there is tons of evidence to prove these events historically)

But if we look at it from a psychological/metaphorical perspective it reveals the same truth.

To be resurrected (be a new person) and escape a miserable life you need to sacrifice yourself voluntarily.

This is when everything-will-make-sense moment…

Let’s bring it down to earth with examples:

If you want to grow a business and increase your income, you need to voluntarily sacrifice the time for hard work that you could spend on pleasures.

If you want to be a good husband or wife, you need to voluntarily sacrifice part of yourself that hinders your relationships (be less selfish, express your emotions, etc.)

If you want to have better health, well, you know that you need to sacrifice eating delicious bad food, time, and sweat.

If you want to stop being delusional like Peter Pan and living in Neverland, you need to accept your mortality and give up the feeling of comfort and safety.

A.k.a. being a child forever.

Well, why is it useful?

First of all, it is good to know that you are sacrificial whether you want to be or not. But you get to pick your sacrifice.

Secondly, I thought of this useful framework to get your life together.

Self Maturity Model

You can use this framework in different ways: for priority setting and for goal setting.

This simple framework will add a new dynamic and perspective to your goals and priorities.

I am sure you have never heard of this before.

Here is what you should do:
  
1) Grab a piece of paper or a notebook  

2) Divide the page into 2 columns  

3) In the first column list potential things you want to do or improve in you or your life.  

4) In the second column list all the trade-offs or sacrifices each requires  

5) After you are done, ask yourself these questions:  
- What sacrifice/s are necessary to make? 
- What sacrifice/s am I not willing to make? 
- What sacrifice/s am I able/willing to make right now in my life?  

6) Pick your damn sacrifice :)

Let’s recap and nail this idea into your head:

The Bible is a fascinating book that contains wisdom beyond comprehension.

But there is a wise lesson we can take from Jesus because of what He taught and did.

It is this:

Your growth and growth in your life will happen if you devote yourself.

If you want to escape a miserable life, you will need to voluntarily self-sacrifice.

It is inevitable but, at least, you get to choose what you are willing to trade off.

That’s it for today!

Have a wonderful weekend, my friend.

- Merdan

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P.P.S. Bereket means abundance and blessing in my native language - Turkmen.